Organizing your daily Madness

Proof that woman are inferior to men is prevalent everywhere we look in today’s culture and for this week’s example we need look no further than a tax payer funded program that’s actually giving out cash to women not to get pregnant.  Instead of relying on their daughters to make the right choices in their lives the locals have thrown in the towel on educating their young offspring and instead have elected to incentivize them to not get knocked up using the oldest trick in the book; cold hard cash.  I guess parturition is out of style.

We the taxpayer are now paying the young woman of North Carolina to not get pregnant.  Baby steps towards the Nanny State are in progress everywhere we look.   How about parents actually raising their kids right and instilling values like education instead of unprotected teenage sex?  Well history would argue and has proven that these young ladies do not possess the requisite mental facilities or the parental guidance to make the appropriate decisions and in the end actually end up costing us much more (as they typically can’t pay for their hospital bills or child care).  In an effort to stave off the rise of teenage pregnancies University of North Carolina, famously known for it’s dominate men’s basketball program, is quickly getting a reputation for sterilizing the locals. Or at least paying them not to procreate.  UNC is now serving as a wet blanket for Carolina teenage boys.

Come on, this looks like fun.  Plus side is now you have a little person to hang out with, not like you had friends anyway.

The group College-Bound Sisters that was founded at the University of North Carolina is paying girls 12-to-18-year-old girls $1 day to not get knocked up. “In addition to remaining pregnancy-free, the girls must also attend weekly meetings.The program is funded by a four-year grant from the state.”Our three goals are that they avoid pregnancy, graduate from high school and enroll in college,” Brown said.Under the program, $7 is deposited into an interest-bearing college fund that the girls can collect once they graduate high school.”

Great to see our tax payer money being put toward curbing future prostitution and the proliferation of welfare babies.  Now that I think about it this might not be a bad idea.  Is it too late to take back that whole men are better than woman diatribe?  Can we get a program like this active in our Hispanic communities in California and Arizona?  I swear to god it’s like a pinata has exploded in Southern California.  Last time I was at Disney Land the only white people at the park were the cartoon characters themselves.  Oh yeah and guess who pays for welfare baby after welfare baby produced by these social parasites?  Yeah you and me, the people who go to work, or are in school to get job and join the workforce that supports these prolific breeders.  Unfortunately when it comes to taxes you have no descretion on where that money goes.  Like Chris Rock said about taxes, “the government TAKES them. You get your check and money is GONE! It was not an option! That ain’t a payment, that’s a JACK!”

If you haven’t heard by now another one of our prestigious law makers has been caught cheating on his wife (over Father’s Day Weekend no less) and of course tried to have his staff cover it up.  To his credit, I guess, he has come out and admit his infidelity.  However Fox news hasn’t been as quick on the draw.

Gov. Mark Sanford arrived in the Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport on Wednesday morning, having wrapped up a seven-day visit to Buenos Aires, Argentina, he said.  Sanford said he had not been hiking along the Appalachian Trail, as his staff said in a Tuesday statement to the media.  Sanford admitted later Wednesday that his secret trip to Argentina over Father’s Day weekend was to visit a woman he is having an affair with.

I don’t know about you but the first thing I think of when going on vacation or as our friends across the pond call it, “Holiday” is how can I reduce my carbon footprint? Alright, so I don’t.  However there seems to be a growing contingent of environmentally conscience, and no doubt repugnant, hippies who enjoy reducing their carbon foot print by exposing the rest of the world to their pink parts.  Yes, my friends it has come to this.  Going nude to Save The World.  There has to be another way.

“Going without clothes on beaches and other vacation spots is commonly called naturism — a description that implies helping the planet, as some practitioners claim to be doing.  Spending more time with nothing on stems waste and pollution in all sorts of ways, according to an article by Kathy Blanchard on The Naturist Society’s Web site.  “Living more hours naked each day results in a dramatic drop in my laundry, which in turn reduces my water and energy use (along with my related bills),” Ms. Blanchard wrote. “It also reduces the amount of soap I release, in my case, into the Puget Sound.”  She also advocates naturist holidays — staying close to home wherever possible, to cut down on fuel usage — but sometimes traveling to places where it is possible to leave the car behind and backpack or paddle naked into the wild.”

Nudist Holiday’s might be environmentally friendly but that doesn’t make them right.  Just keep it in the hotel room people.

In honor of Draft day Dumb has compiled a Madness Mock Draft.  As insufferable as he is it’s not bad.  Forgive any spelling mistakes I had to translate from crayon.

1) Clippers: Blake Griffin (Bet the house on it, unless they trade the pick)

2) Memphis Grizzlies: Hasheem Thabeet (They need a shotblocker and there’s no one better at that in this draft.)

3) Oklahoma City: Ricky Rubio (Rubio, Westbrook, Green, Durant, Gasol. Reminds me of where the Blazers were 2 years ago, except Gasol isn’t a gimp like Oden and Durant is better than anyone Portland has.)

4) Kings: Jrue Holliday (Kings need a PG, Jrue reminds a lot of people of Westbrook. Playing for Howland, he’s ridiculous on D. But this is the Kings, and they’ll probably draft Jonny Flynn)

5) MinnesotaJordan Hill (My sources tell me Minnesota will package this and one of their later picks to move up and get Thabeet. If not, Hill fits the bill)
6) Minnesota T-Wolves: James Harden (Hopefully he’s more Eric Gordon than Randy Foye. No, two Randy Foyes are NOT better than 1)

7) Golden State: Brandon Jennings (Jennings, Monte, Cpt Jax/Magette, Randolf and Biedrins, is a REALLY athletic future. If they can somehow get B Dizzle back to the Bay this year, they could have a playoff team in the near term too)

New York Knicks: Stephen Curry (Since the Knicks are really just looking towards 2010 anyways, Curry presents the opportunity for big upside and little downside. He has star potential in D’antoni’s system. He made DAVIDSON relevent. I don’t think ESPN will show any Davidson games in primetime next year.)

9) Toronto Raptors: Tyreke Evans (Evans should get the nod over DeRozan and Terrence Williams because the Raptors need a scorer.)

10) Milwaukee Bucks: Jonny Flynn (Bucks need a PG and Flynn should be ok. It’s the Buck, they’re just OK too.)

11) New Jersey Nets: DeJuan Blair (This guy’s a beast. I hope it carries over to the NBA.)

12) Charlotte Bobcats: Gerald Henderson (UNC players aren’t working out for Bob’s Cats, lets try a Duke Dork!)

13) Indiana Pacers: DeMar DeRozan (I guess Reggie Miller’s not there anymore since he was all over lame commercials during the playoffs, so SG?)

14) Phoenix Suns: Earl Clark (Athleticism and the Suns go hand in hand.)

15) Detroit Pistons: BJ Mullens (Rasheed’s gettin old, BJ anyone?)

16) Chicago Bulls: James Johnson (Johnson’s a big tough PF, the anti Tyrus Thomas)

17) Philadelphia 76’ers: Eric Maynor (Maynor beat Duke in the NCAA tourney. You have to love him if just for that.)

18) Minnesota Timberwolves: Ty Lawson (Randy Foye is not a PG, Lawson would be a good fit here)

19) Atlanta Hawks: Nick Calathes (Calathes has skills like another Former Gator, Jason Williams. Yes, they’re both white, hence the comparison)

20) Utah Jazz: Tyler Hansborough (Hansborough is the PERFECT Jazz: just a tough, reboundin’, team-first SOB. When was the last time two non-European white boys got picked back to back in the top-20? I must’ve fucked up somewhere).  What other State outside of Utah would dance moves like this be considered mainstream?

21) New Orleans Hornets: Terrence Williams (Williams is athletic and a good SG for this team)

22) Dallas Mavericks: Jeff Teague (If Teague falls here (ATL will swoop him up if they’re smart) then the mavericks may well have found J Kidd’s replacement)

23) Sacramento Kings: Danny Green (He can hit 3’s and will help the Kings offensively. Plus Green is the color of the Iranian Opposition movement. They need a shout-out)

24) Portland Trailblazers: Sam Young (another guy who could score points for Portland and he can help on the defensive end too)

25) Oklahoma City: Chase Budinger (Budinger can play the 2 and 3, adding depth)

26) Chicago Bulls: Austin Daye (Another Tyrus Thomas. But we saw what that did in the playoffs when Tyrus played hard.)

27) Memphis Grizzlies: Jeff Pendergraph (Big Dude, doesn’t need the ball alot. When O.J. Mayo’s your PG, you better hope you can play without the ball)

28) Minnesota Timberwolves: Taj Gibson (3 draft picks is a good thing in the NFL. It’s not a good thing in the NBA, especially for a team as young as Minnesota. If they keep all three, Gibson could fit nicely next too Jefferson and Love)

29) Los Angeles Lakers: Darren Collison (Collison is quick and can play crazy D, being a Howland guy. Since the Lakers only real weakness is quick little PG’s like Aaron Brooks, Collison would be a nice fit)

30) Cleveland Cavaliers: DeJuan Summers (Summers will get open looks with the quadruple-teams LeBron gets and, unlike the guys Cleveland has right now, he can actually score)

The French high court declares the Internet to be a basic human right.  Only in France could having access to a computer and consequently the internet be considered a right.

The Constitutional Council declared access to the internet to be a basic human right, directly opposing the key points of (President) Sarkozy’s law, passed in April, which created the first internet police agency in the democratic world.  The strongly-worded decision means that Mr Sarkozy’s scheme has backfired and inadvertently boosted those who defend the free-for-all culture of the web.

Is it me or does Nicky here look evil?

Sorry the updates have been slow to come, new job, wedding planning, dog ate my homework.  So with everything going on from Sotomayor’s confirmation hearings to disappearing airplanes I thought it appropriate to slow things down and concentrate on what issue will impact us on a day to day basis; yep, Cell Phone Elbow. 

Orthopedic specialists are reporting cases of “cell phone elbow,” in which patients damage an essential nerve in their arm by bending their elbows too tightly for too long.  When cell phone users hold the phone to their ears, they stretch a nerve that extends underneath the funny bone and controls the smallest fingers. When talkers chat for a long time in that position, it “chokes the blood supply to the nerves. It makes the nerves short-circuit. The next thing you know, there’s tingling in the ring and small finger,” said Dr. Peter J. Evans, the director of the Hand and Upper Extremity Center at the Cleveland Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio.  Ah, so it’s really not a Cell Phone Elbow rather it’s just phone elbow.  Wear a headset, problem solved and you look wicked cool.

So don’t hold your phone like this stupid cat, for long periods of time and you’ll be fine. 

Kim Jong Il aparently has and uses a Twitter account. By the way this guy doesn’t get nearly enough respect for having IL at the end of his name.  It just adds a level of coolness only realized on a middle school  playground. Can you imagine his tweets? “Ate breakfast, watched a movie on TNT, supervised the execution of 10 political rivals.”

The irony here is that for your average North Korean citizen the Internet is a far off dream, inaccessible, illegal, unattainable by all accounts, however the dictator has his own Twitter account. The Internet can be accessed only by the most powerful and well-connected in Pyongyang, while ordinary North Koreans aren’t allowed to possess mobile phones.  Which is why the discovery Monday that the North Korean government has a Twitter page caused a stir in the world known as the Twitterverse.

Some couple in Nebraska have taken Jack in the Box’s Mini Sirloin burger commercial to comedic heights.  Actually their just selling small cattle apparently it’s a business.

“This couple bought minicows — compact cattle with stocky bodies, smaller frames and relatively tiny appetites.  Their miniature Herefords consume about half that of a full-sized cow yet produce 50% to 75% of the rib-eyes and fillets, according to researchers and budget-conscious farmers.”

“Minicows are not genetically engineered to be tiny, and they’re not dwarfs. They are drawn from original breeds brought to the U.S. from Europe in the 1800s that were smaller than today’s bovine giants…Big cows emerged as a product of the 1950s and ’60s, when farmers were focused on getting more meat and didn’t fret as much about the efficient use of animal feed or grasslands.” Tiny and bold, YA!

Alright, I’m back after a two week break.

A Chinese man, Chen, Tikki tikki tembo-no sa rembo-chari bari ruchi-pip peri pembo, Fuchao, “fell 26 feet (8 meters) onto a partially inflated emergency air cushion laid out by authorities and survived, suffering spine and elbow injuries, the official Xinhua News Agency said Saturday. The passer-by, 66-year-old Lai Jiansheng, had been fed up with what he called Chen’s “selfish activity,” Xinhua said. Traffic around the Haizhu bridge in the city of Guangzhou had been backed up for five hours and police had cordoned off the area. “I pushed him off because jumpers like Chen are very selfish. Their action violates a lot of public interest,” Imagine if you will the lawsuit that would cripple this man and the next 10 generations of his family if this incident were to occur in the U.S.

Lai was quoted as saying by Xinhua. “They do not really dare to kill themselves. Instead, they just want to raise the relevant government authorities’ attention to their appeals.”

Lai is changing my opinion of the Chinese one bad driver at a time.

Actor Kiefer Sutherland has been charged with assault following a late-night altercation at Manhattan nightclub on Monday. Sutherland surrendered to New York City police Thursday afternoon for questioning about a fashion designer’s claim that the actor head-butted him at a Manhattan nightclub.

So I have a few questions here.  Why does anybody mess with Kiefer after 2am (which is when the alleged headbutt occurred)? How is he able to muster the strength to go to a “gala” while he’s suffering from an incurable biochemical disease?

Lastly, what is Sutherland doing at a limp wristed Costume Institute Gala?  Doesn’t seem like his typical dive bar crowd.