Dumb & Dumber Debate Obama’s Economic Stimulus Plan

Dumb – Pro

I’m not going to spend too much time examining the pro’s and cons of the Economic Stimulus plan that President Obama has proposed. The Republicans and Naysayers out there are gaping, oozey, stinky vagina’s, I can say that much. They voted for President Bush twice, and now don’t admit it, saying they “hate Bush”. Every time we hit a rough spot economically between 2001-2008, they blamed Clinton’s policies. They allowed Bush and Co. to invade Iraq under false pretenses and spend, what has now amounted to, well over $1 Trillion on that war, basically destroying a country and doling out no-bid contracts to their buddies to go in and fix it at the expense of the taxpayer. Within the 1st 2 months of President Obama’s tenure, they’ve already assigned blame for our economic woes unto him. And now, they assail his plan, labeling it a “Tax and Spend” policy. Obviously, these are ignorant, dickless hypocrites who just want to win, not see America succeed. They’ve been riding the “I’m White” train their entire lives and slowly but surely, they’re watching that ride come to a halt, and their advantages are being thrown to the wolves, along with their health. All they can do is join the Oxycontin Laced Limbaugh Wagon and knock our President down, when all he wants to do is pull us out of the mire. So, am I qualified to analyze this bill and the policies set forth thus far. No. Can anyone accurately judge its effectiveness at this point? Absolutely not. But I liken it to this: When cancer spreads throughout your body, and you’re dying, sometimes Chemotherapy is the only hope. Filling your body with poison doesn’t seem intuitive or the best method at first glance. But the results are all that matter and times now are so drastic, the measures must be equally drastic. One thing I can tell you: I’d rather spend $1 Trillion on rebuilding our economy from within than on a war in the desert half the world away.

Dumber – Con

HA! I’m willing to watch the world burn. I’m content with double-digit unemployment. I’m even OK with sacrificing my own future and that of our nation. I’ll take it all – just so I can say I TOLD YOU SO. You fucking idiots wanted “Change”, you wanted to “Hope” and Ooooooh look! An inexperienced, left wing, ostensible fence rider who will unite the masses under the guise of unprecedented reformation – and he’s even black!! Let’s vote for him! Let’s vote for Change! Yes We Can! Last week the Yes We Can budget was announced, and I’m here to tell you No We Can’t. No, ladies and gentlemen, we can’t save healthcare. No people, we can’t save the auto industry. Nope, it isn’t a good idea to put rims and hydraulics on Air Force One. The space I have on this column is limited (otherwise I’d write a book) so I’ll skip the details, but here are a few of the major flaws: Firstly, Leroy is increasing the deficit to almost $3.6 trillion which, aside from the fact that it’s a huge number, is mostly being paid for by increasing taxes on people making over $250k per year. You left wing pussies go to fair trade coffee shops, read the New York Times and have caffeine-induced hallucinations of a happy world where equality is priority and little kids aren’t starving in Africa. You think – “rich people can afford to pay more taxes”. Maybe under normal circumstances, but guess what? These aren’t NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES and these so-called “rich people” are the ones that provide the supermajority of tax revenue, investment capital, and JOBS in this country. Moreover, $250k per year is enough for the single guy living in Sioux City, but it ain’t SHIT for the family in Brooklyn that’s barely scraping by. Secondly, Lamar is increasing the capital gains tax from 15-20%. Really? Are you seeing a lot of CAPITAL GAINS right now, you fucking retard? Why not create buying pressure and boost asset prices by abolishing the capital gains tax permanently? Finally, this is all geared towards helping lower-middle class and poor families – you know, the same people who bought $1 million houses making $50k per year because they are too stupid to do simple “maf”. Look, I think a stimpuls package is necessary on some level, I think we got in way over our heads, got drunk off debt, and the deleveraging is hurting us – BAD. Banks may need to be nationalized (unfortunately). More people will lose their jobs. The Dow may fall another 1000 points. Credit will remain extremely tight. People will remain unconfident. But don’t exacerbate the problem by driving through the ghetto throwing tax payers’ money out the sunroof of Lil’ Wayne’s Lamborghini. Instead, think about what’s really causing the problem here – lack of confidence and a constriction of capital flows compounded by plummeting real estate prices. Let’s push through a concentrated stimulus package that’s effective and cheap, not one that’s a thinly-veiled income redistribution scheme.

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