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April 4, 2009
BirthWEEK Rant
Let’s discuss girlfriend’s birthdays. Those of us lucky enough to have a good one in our lives are keenly aware that this is a 3-2 count, bottom of the ninth, runner in scoring position, tie game (ladies, this means it is important for men to come through). You cannot simply deliver a day of cheesesteaks, Guiness, Jameson, watching a game or two, and some naughtier-than-usual sex (AKA, what any guy would kill for). El dia de nacimiento of your beloved lady isn’t just that, it has become birthWEEK! Yay! What this results in is men (or girlfriends, if that is how you get down – send pix) becoming some kind of confused concierge for a week. “It’s my birthday week” is the response to why we should go to see Grease, get up on Sunday to go get breakfast despite the pending Niner’s game, watch Grey’s Anatomy, cuddle, do anything shopping related, etc. I haven’t even mentioned the dinners, presents, hotels, and/or trips that are also expected. So now you have been doing things all week that you normally would never do, and your bank account is taking a hit. Questions is how did this all start?
Now I understand we have a responsibility, and with women being a different and more sensitive/emotional being, we need to do these things to continue the option of procreation (not to mention mouth-procreation). Who else would we rather spend our time and money on? But it is a birthday, ladies, not a birthWEEK. And if it is going to be a birthWEEK, then it should be reciprocal. Since this isn’t a smut column, per se, I will spare you of most of the activities men would request for 7 days, but just think of if you had to do everything your man (or alpha-dike) would request. It would be a combination of this, a little of that, some of this, more of that, and after all this we’re going to get thirsty so something to drink, and of course for a whole week. Oddly enough, my afore mentioned guy preferences can all be performed in our apartment (except the courtside tickets). I honestly see no hope of this changing, but that is why I have a rant column on the internets.
