Now this is almost an unfair question coming from a San Francisco newspaper. A city where a 3rd of the residents can’t have kids (at least naturally) and another 3rd are single, douche bags popping their collars every Saturday night in a desperate attempt to win over the easiest women on the West Coast. Sorry Southern California San Francisco women have you beat (not saying they’re hotter just more slutty). Think about it like this: 1/4 t0 1/3 of the male dating population is not interested in “innies” only “outies”, another 1/4 are dirty hippies and wouldn’t be caught dead, out having a good time or “conforming” to societal norms, as Seinfeld would say “UNDATABLE!” So what you’re left with is the usual amount of douche bags, tech dorks and guys from Walnut Creek otherwise known as the “bridge and tunnel” crowd (those of you from New York or elsewhere think Jersey Shore sans the ocean). So among the women the competition is stiff for a normal man with two eyebrows who typically has multiple options on any given night. If you’re a semi-good looking guy it’s fish in a barrel. The barrel is the Marina (queue the obligatory eye roll) or the occasional club in the SOMA. Sorry, my apologies, got off topic. My point is that San Francisco isn’t really breeder central (cut to readers from Noe Valley shaking their heads) and definitely not a city known for the family demographic. Hence the article fits with the local population however not necessarily a balanced demographic. I’m sure pets here outnumber kids by a 3 to 1 margin (see the Marina Green or Dolores Park). However, the Chronicle article comes packing actual statistics. In, “an analysis of the 2010 U.S. Census revealed that there are now more households with dogs (43 million) than children.”
Not just an East Coast epidemic.
Speaking as a married, parent of two dogs I can say without equivocation that this is true for my wife and I. Now we don’t go dressing our dogs up (okay once) and spending lavish or even modest amounts of disposable income on “our children” but they do serve to fill the void that traditionally would have been occupied by kids.
Personally this trend makes sense to me as dogs serve many purposes from companionship to guardians. Kids on the other hand are “takers” they assume the world owes them something and cry or throw the dreaded temper tantrum when they don’t receive whatever the hell it is they want. Dogs, on the other hand, are the most loyal creatures on earth and as an added benefit are utilitarian in nature. They can offer a variety of services most of which cannot be duplicated by kids nor would you want them to. Case in point dogs serve as companions to the homeless.
Can your kid do this? Without then asking for more allowance.
Besides dogs are not entirely useless. They serve as bookends.
They get the paper bringing us the great news of the day.
Sometimes they even read without the nagging, “daddy listen,” self-centered, me first crap.
Kids are fun in severe moderation but even when you go out of the way to show them a good time do children show their appreciation? No.
In fact, most parents (if they’re being honest) will tell you that, kids, unlike dogs, are a full-time job. They require a significant monetary investment (think diapers and daycare) and say goodbye to nights out with friends or random weekend benders. Dogs on the other hand require much less maintenance. Kids will keep you up all hours of the night, run you ragged worrying about whether your child will end up a paraplegic the moment you turn your head or even worse a Democrat. Many late nights are spent checking the closet and under the bed for monsters, or reading terrifying children’s stories (seriously Hansel & Gretel, Red Riding Hood, or worse Cinderella – the cause of many a young man’s headache) the constant vigilance required to make sure your child is exposed to the right aspects of our world and at the same time shielded from the evil that surrounds us can age a person quicker than being President.
Of course today’s Children’s books give one reason to pause.
Still not convinced? Let’s compare Wilfred with the Olsen Twins.
Wilfred on “bitches”
Olsen Twins on “Staying Cool”
I think I’ve made my point. Even someone as universally revered as Paris Hilton would rather have Butters dressed as a pet dog than just Butters.
It’s more than just a love affair we have with our pets it’s a subconscious survival instinct. Children are dangerous to your health. They are incubators of death. Carrying disease akin to blankets wrapped in small pocks. With their cute faces and unassuming personalities they break down our defenses and immunities like a Trojan horse as their illness wraps us in a virus filled cocoon of misery.
Then again dogs and kids share an affinity for the simple joys in life. How bad can they be disease and all?
They can be a source of humor.
Kids can be funny but not many of them can play dead.
Speaking of dead there is an uncanny resemblance between Zombies & Babies.
My sense is that this trend, of pet ownership over child rearing, will continue and certainly increase as generations become more narcissistic and self-serving. Although it can be argued having kids or miniature versions of yourself is about as narcissistic as it gets. The cause is some where between less responsibility and the financial liability of raising children in this crazy, mad world.
Woman arrested for a drunk in public and thrown into the drunk tank. 6 or so hours later the cops return only to discover the inmate had previously had a stroke that caused her slurred speech. Another win for the idiots and another avoidable lawsuit for citizens to finance!
Below are the summary details of the California State budget. They call it the Democratic budget for two reasons: One because the Democrats actually proposed the budget below and Two because Republicans in the California State Legislature have so little clout . I thought this was interesting news (and will continue to be) because States across the Country are trying to fill their budget holes with new and creative taxes. Taxing the internet will be a big issue.
If you’re anything like me you’re now hopelessly addicted to HBO’s new drama series Game of Thrones. Set in a medieval time period amongst the backdrop of a kingdom being torn apart by a drunken, incompetent king, warring tribes clamouring for the iron throne and vicious machiavellian environment where political backstabbing is just how you play the game; Game of Thrones (GOT) is a riveting ride. GOT seems to exist on some sort of planet where 10 year long Winters are the norm and dead people called “White Walkers” roam the northern territories behind a monstrous wall, meant to keep them out, that would rival the wall meant to keep King Kong out.
King Kong Wall “The Wall” on GOT
A “White Walker.” My what blue eyes you have.
Without giving too much away, for people who have yet to enjoy the series, GOT takes a few surprising turns in its first season which boasts some terrific performances by Sean Bean as Eddard Stark, Emilia Clark who does an amazing job playing Daenerys Targaryen & Peter Dinklage as Tyrion Lannister but the recently crowned King Joffrey, played by Jack Gleeson, takes the fucking scumbag cake.
In his, so far, short run as the King he has killed a main character and dozens of other people associated with a specific family (again holding back here) thus igniting a war, North vs South. Not only has he killed them he’s placed their heads and in some cases their bodies on stakes around the castle as a warning. However, this heartless son of bitch, takes it up a level when he takes the daughter (his supposed future mate) of the man he’s killed to see her fathers head on a stake. Total douche bag move.
Of course before he becomes King Joffery he’s a sniveling little rich kid. The kind you hate even if you’re rich. Some might refer to him as a bitch or a punk I just see a weak pussy and to reinforce that viewpoint here’s a video of Joffrey’s older brother, the aforementioned, Tyrion Lannister bitch slapping the inbred King. (Did I say I wasn’t going to give anything away?)
Things I should write about but simply don’t have the time:
Being the cultural beacon of light that he is Ron Artest, this week, petitioned to have his name changed to Metta World Peace. Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up, go get em’ Ron Ron.
The most hilarious rule for qualification in a contest, a Disney contest no less.
This Weeks Florida Madness. Since Florida is such a hot bed of douche baggery I thought why not highlight their weekly hijinks. After all they’ve earned it.
It’s been over a year and half since my last post and in returning I feel I should clarify my long absence. I stopped writing for one simple reason, nothing I was producing was new or very different from every other blog/news sites on the web. I felt like I was regurgitating what had already been beaten to death in the blogosphere. Overall my goal is to make Madness a place to come where you expect specifically themed stories. Stories illustrating our hasty decline that seems to quicken every day as we rapidly descend into madnesses.
Now Madness is often a subjective or relative term. Madness, as compared to what, or defined by whom? I guess a lot of people would have a bit of a hard time defining madness, but they would probably say, as a person once famously said, “But I know it when I see it.” Standards vary all over the world about many things, and where is the line drawn between eccentricity and insanity? Who drew it? Is there such a thing as any absolute standard? Who said, and why should I believe it? After all, the Catholic Church convicted Galileo of heresy for his scientific idea that the earth rotates around the sun. Although they were wrong to do so, most people probably agreed with what was done, and he was publicly disgraced. Many probably considered him insane. Were they right? Am I mad for talking about what is mad in a world I say is mad?
Madness Exhibit A: King Joffrey (future article plug)
A good example of a niche website with decent to humorous content is Badassoftheweek.com. What I like about Badassoftheweek, outside of its name, is that I know every week he’ll post another rad story about some bad ass who chopped up a bunch of dudes Rambo style while rescuing kittens out of a tree. You should almost know what you’re getting before you get it and crave it like Lebron haters craved a justified Miami loss. So I will spend this first article summarizing the time we missed (of course I’m forced to cover just the last few weeks as the past few years would take a herculean effort).
Before we get started a little announcement about June. Now that that is behind us let’s start with “The King” it seems that The Decision, a highly broad-casted introduction of the big three, and Lebron’s more recent catastrophic post game interviews have exposed him for what he is and unfortunately, the media (ESPN) tide is already turning in support of Lebron. Apparently, we’re hating on him too much – you know what I say to that – so what!? I will hate who I want to hate and I could not be more justified in hating or reveling in a loss suffered by a self-absorbed, narcissistic, egotistical and coddled superstar that surrounds himself with a cacophony of sycophantic suck ups who keep him in his an alternate reality. Thus explaining comments like the one below.
“All the people that were rooting on me to fail, at the end of the day, they have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today. They have the same personal problems they had today. I’m going to continue to live the way I want to live and continue to do the things that I want to do with me and my family and be happy with that. They can get a few days or a few months or whatever the case may be on being happy about not only myself, but the Miami Heat not accomplishing their goal. But they have to get back to the real world at some point.” Yes, Lebron we are all now Witnesses to your douche baggery.
He clearly doesn’t understand why we all don’t worship the ground he walks on and that is what is at the core of the Lebron hate. Before he’s ever liked by an audience larger than Miami Heat fans, ESPN anchors and douche bag front runners he needs to Witness his own ineptitude in his, probably subconscious, quest to become a real boy.
His statements were not exactly an act of contrition the sports community would like to see. America is a country where if you apologize and you’re upfront about what you did we’ll give you a second chance (see December 7, 2002: Iraqi President Saddam Hussein apologizes for invading Kuwait in August, 1990 – Maybe Bush never heard the apology) but if you lie, or hide the truth and/or pretend it isn’t happening then we’re all over you (See Rep. Weiner, Ryan Leaf, Rick Sanchez and to a certain extent Tiger Woods – he initially was misleading about the details of his golf outing with his wife that doesn’t seem to have worked out too well for him).
It is what Lebron says that shows how out-of-touch and just how awful he truly is. I don’t think people will let this go so easily, as many on ESPN and in Miami claim, my sense is that he will be vilified for many seasons to come. He better learn to relish the role of bad guy or we’re going to be in his head until he gets past this and from the looks of things that won’t be anytime soon.
Trust me this is not really what I wanted to see either, although I’m happy Dirk and Kidd got their ring and Terry definitely deserves his.
NBA Draft note: David Stern just entered to kick off the 2011 NBA Draft accompanied by a lovely chorus of boo’s. He seems to relish these encounters with the fans every year. (If it’s not obvious yet you should know I was watching the draft as I wrote this post – hence some extra basketball coverage)
Like Lebron I needed to find my niche writing style. I found it in the original origin of the name MadnessLetters. The term Madnessletters comes from Friedrich Nietzsche who, as he began to succumb to mental illness, he penned a series of letters (dubbed the Madnessletters) to friends and colleagues about the Madness of our world. So to will I write about the Madness of our world, in a more succinct fashion, as I assuredly spiral down my own dark path of mental illness made possible by the never ending and relentless news covering our absolute and total decay. OK, so maybe I’m not that dark or mentally ill but you get the general idea. Typically I will focus on the most gross violations of our general social code (note I am fairly moderate in my social views, liberal regarding domestic policies and conservative when it comes to international affairs). For example I would have written about the following events that have transpired over the past few years: Congressman Weiner (are you kidding me!) you can’t script a better set up for the late night comedy circuit. After claiming his twitter account was hacked he came clean as the evidence began to mount which provided us with one of the larger falls from grace we’ve seen since Tiger Woods.
A now ex-member of the shinning city upon a hill.
Speaking of bad decisions how is it that we are now engaged in the 3rd war and nobody seems to care? If Bush did this he would not have gotten such a pass with the media (I’m not a Bush fan I just think this is extremely obvious and not debatable unless you’re a kool aid drinking fool ). What is scary about this ill-conceived venture is that we are backing Libyan rebel forces who are, you guessed it, Al Qaeda: Who did we just support? If that doesn’t scare you than this should. By engaging in an unnecessary third front it only seems to add further financial difficulties to our already crippling debt and as an ancillary benefit the conflict in Libya is producing more conspiracy theories. Here’s my contribution to conspiracy theorists: Doesn’t this seem like it’s straight out of a Jason Borne movie cover up?
Why did the media follow Sarah Palin around on her bus tour? It would be one thing if the media adored her like they used to adore Obama but the media has a clear history of hating Sarah Palin even going so far as to send out reporters to Alaska to read emails from when Sarah was Governor. What they found. Not exactly earth shattering stuff. Who cares? Can we focus on real issues and report about real problems? Every month it seems that the media’s biases on both the left and the right are exposed and more credibility is given to mock news shows like Jon Stewart.
Prediction about last night’s NBA draft: the 2011 Rookie of the Year will be Kemba Walker. If I was a GM, with a top 5 pick, I would draft according to the Moneyball rules and I would draft Walker for a few simple reasons: 1.) He’s a proven winner. 2.) He doesn’t have the prototypical NBA body 3.) His athletic gifts aside he has “the drive” just like Kobe and Jordan (I’m not even putting him in the same ballpark – yet) but I will say no one saw UCONN winning it all but the team that won it and without Kemba none of that happens. Without Walker they would have been out in the sweet sixteen when they barely beat a San Diego State team that had played an off game and almost stole a victory from UCONN.
The problem with Walker is that he doesn’t fit into the standard NBA archetypical top 5 pick. He’s not exactly a 1 and he’s seen as too small for the 2. Too often NBA teams make a bad decision with a top pick because they seem to base their drafting on the physical look of a prospect, (for a small example see: Michael Olwakandi (#1 1998), Darius Miles (#3, 2000), Hasheem Thabeet (#2, 2009), Sam Bowie (#2, 1984)). Just think about how terrifying Portland would be with Kevin Durant. A possible dynasty in the making. Instead Portland took what they thought was the safe bet in a sure fire center that they could build a dynasty around. How’s that working out for you Portland?
Another great move in last nights draft was the shrewd pick by San Antonio in acquiring SDSU Star Kawhi Leonard for George Hill. Hill was extremely well thought of in San Antonio which should give you a clue as to the potential the Spurs see in Leonard who guided SDSU to its first Sweet Sixteen in school history. This is the team that found a diamond in the rough and picked Tony Parker #28 in the 2001 draft. This was the same draft that saw Kwame Brown go #1 and Eddy Curry at #4.
I think I’ll leave it at that for now. New content to be posted weekly until then I leave you with the worst thing I’ve seen this week and the best thing I’ve seen this week:
I know it needs a better name. I’m open to suggestions.
So I have a few questions here. Why does anybody mess with Kiefer after 2am (which is when the alleged headbutt occurred)? How is he able to muster the strength to go to a “gala” while he’s suffering from an incurable biochemical disease?
Lastly, what is Sutherland doing at a limp wristed Costume Institute Gala? Doesn’t seem like his typical dive bar crowd.
Kanye West has always been all about himself. Speaking in 3rd person has become common place for Kanye however after the bitch slap he received from SouthPark, Wednesday evening, Kanye has said he’s turning over a new leaf in his life.
Let’s see if this new self awareness lasts or if we find Kanye back to his old antics. I don’t think you can shake this kind of crazy. But that’s just me.
). What is scary about this ill-conceived venture is that we are backing 
