Posts categorized as "Sports"...

This Weeks Madness

Robber breaks into Salon only to get his ass kicked by female owner who then uses the robber as a sex slave. Yup, this happened.

 

“You don’t fight at my show asshole…” Dave Grohl 4 President!

 

 

Johan Hill has apparently stopped eating everything within reach.

 

 

Google launches its new web fonts interface. Yawn.

 

Sick houseboats in SF Bay.

 

Ah, Canada

 

Michael Bay is kind of a dick.

 

The 14 Most Dominating Performances in Sports History (as defined by a single sports writer). Spoiler alert, an animal is #1.

 

Dubai where gold ATM’s line every shopping mall (well at least this one)

 


Your local government making more decisions for you. The good news? Local governments find it nearly impossible to enforce unpopular and mundane/victimless crimes (save it second hand smokers, no one cares.)

 

Utah, giving Mexican families a run for their money

 

 

Obama forgets who he has given the Medal of Honor to…hint you just did this a year ago.

 

When I see people running I often think this…

 

 

 

Below are the summary details of the California State budget.  They call it the Democratic budget for two reasons: One because the Democrats actually proposed the budget below and Two because Republicans in the California State Legislature have so little clout .  I thought this was interesting news (and will continue to be) because States across the Country are trying to fill their budget holes with new and creative taxes.  Taxing the internet will be a big issue.

 

Amazon fights back (almost immediately).

 

Big Labor, Big $$$

 

Atheist wins right to look stupid on Drivers License. Who cares?

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This Weeks Madness

Things I should write about but simply don’t have the time:

 

Being the cultural beacon of light that he is Ron Artest, this week, petitioned to have his name changed to Metta World Peace.  Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up, go get em’ Ron Ron.

 

 

95 year old, adult diaper wearing, mother, forced to remove diaper by TSA. Really? If she’s seen as a possible threat then we’ve truly lost our freedoms.

 

The oddest family picture I have ever seen. Question is what’s the over/under on this family being Mormons?

 

Gay Marriage, er common sense, scores a point (and not in New York).

 

An ode to bacon. Not Kevin the real stuff.

 

 

Britain Crowns “Best Builders Bum.” Again it’s hard to make this shit up.

 

On Saturday evening Mexico and the US soccer teams squared off in the Gold Cup Final at the Rose Bowl in LA er’ Lil Mexico.  The “U.S soccer team played for a prestigious championship in a U.S. stadium … and was smothered in boos. Its (US) fans were vastly outnumbered (by Mexican fans). Its goalkeeper was bathed in a chanted obscenity. Even its national anthem was filled with the blowing of air horns and bouncing of beach balls.” The US team can’t even get a home field advantage in LA as there were, “80,000 Mexico fans among the announced crowd of 93,420.”  Maybe we should petition to turn everything south of Bakersfield into ‘Lil Mexico’.  Normally this would kind of piss me off, actually I wrote a little about this back in 2008, but seeing as how there is little to nothing we can do about it no sense in getting pissed off especially about a sport that doesn’t really garner too much interest from Americans. On the other hand Soccer is everything to Mexicans so I say let em’ have their time in the sun.  Besides it won’t be long until Mexicans run California anyway.  The majority population of 18 and under in California are Mexican. It’s only a matter of time.

 

 

The most hilarious rule for qualification in a contest, a Disney contest no less.

 

 

This Weeks Florida Madness.  Since Florida is such a hot bed of douche baggery I thought why not highlight their weekly hijinks.  After all they’ve earned it.

 

I’m sure by now many of you have heard about the couple that was busted last week for having public sex in front of a restaurant full of people, families, little kids, etc.  A quality move made by two upstanding citizens in the Treasure Island area of Florida.  Not to be outdone two brain donors from nearby Tampa Bay one upped them by fornicating in public on a scooter. Points for balance?

 

Not exactly comfortable is it?

 

 

Sign #3,824,695 that our culture has gone soft.

 

Civil Justice! Cop cited for causing accident. Finally something went right.

 

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The Madness Returns

It’s been over a year and half since my last post and in returning I feel I should clarify my long absence.  I stopped writing for one simple reason, nothing I was producing was new or very different from every other blog/news sites on the web.  I felt like I was regurgitating what had already been beaten to death in the blogosphere.  Overall my goal is to make Madness a place to come where you expect specifically themed stories.  Stories illustrating our hasty decline that seems to quicken every day as we rapidly descend into madnesses.

 

Now Madness is often a subjective or relative term.  Madness, as compared to what, or defined by whom?  I guess a lot of people would have a bit of a hard time defining madness, but they would probably say, as a person once famously said, “But I know it when I see it.”  Standards vary all over the world about many things, and where is the line drawn between eccentricity and insanity?  Who drew it?  Is there such a thing as any absolute standard?  Who said, and why should I believe it?  After all, the Catholic Church convicted Galileo of heresy for his scientific idea that the earth rotates around the sun.  Although they were wrong to do so, most people probably agreed with what was done, and he was publicly disgraced.  Many probably considered him insane.  Were they right?  Am I mad for talking about what is mad in a world I say is mad?

 

Madness Exhibit A: King Joffrey (future article plug)

 

 

A good example of a niche website with decent to humorous content is Badassoftheweek.com.  What I like about Badassoftheweek, outside of its name, is that I know every week he’ll post another rad story about some bad ass who chopped up a bunch of dudes Rambo style while rescuing kittens out of a tree. You should almost know what you’re getting before you get it and crave it like Lebron haters craved a justified Miami loss. So I will spend this first article summarizing the time we missed (of course I’m forced to cover just the last few weeks as the past few years would take a herculean effort).

 

I think what has transpired over the course of the past few years can been best described by Donni Darko, “some people just like to see the world burn.”

 

 

Before we get started a little announcement about June. Now that that is behind us let’s start with “The King” it seems that The Decision, a highly broad-casted introduction of the big three, and Lebron’s more recent catastrophic post game interviews have exposed him for what he is and unfortunately, the media (ESPN) tide is already turning in support of Lebron.  Apparently, we’re hating on him too much – you know what I say to that – so what!?  I will hate who I want to hate and I could not be more justified in hating or reveling in a loss suffered by a self-absorbed, narcissistic, egotistical and coddled superstar that surrounds himself with a cacophony of sycophantic suck ups who keep him in his an alternate reality. Thus explaining comments like the one below.

 

“All the people that were rooting on me to fail, at the end of the day, they have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today. They have the same personal problems they had today. I’m going to continue to live the way I want to live and continue to do the things that I want to do with me and my family and be happy with that. They can get a few days or a few months or whatever the case may be on being happy about not only myself, but the Miami Heat not accomplishing their goal. But they have to get back to the real world at some point.” Yes, Lebron we are all now Witnesses to your douche baggery.

 

 

He clearly doesn’t understand why we all don’t worship the ground he walks on and that is what is at the core of the Lebron hate.  Before he’s ever liked by an audience larger than Miami Heat fans, ESPN anchors and douche bag front runners he needs to Witness his own ineptitude in his, probably subconscious, quest to become a real boy.

His statements were not exactly an act of contrition the sports community would like to see.  America is a country where if you apologize and you’re upfront about what you did we’ll give you a second chance (see December 7, 2002: Iraqi President Saddam Hussein apologizes for invading Kuwait in August, 1990 – Maybe Bush never heard the apology) but if you lie, or hide the truth and/or pretend it isn’t happening then we’re all over you (See Rep. Weiner, Ryan Leaf, Rick Sanchez and to a certain extent Tiger Woods – he initially was misleading about the details of his golf outing with his wife that doesn’t seem to have worked out too well for him).  


It is what Lebron says that shows how out-of-touch and just how awful he truly is.  I don’t think people will let this go so easily, as many on ESPN and in Miami claim, my sense is that he will be vilified for many seasons to come.  He better learn to relish the role of bad guy or we’re going to be in his head until he gets past this and from the looks of things that won’t be anytime soon.

 

 

Trust me this is not really what I wanted to see either, although I’m happy Dirk and Kidd got their ring and Terry definitely deserves his.

 

 

NBA Draft note: David Stern just entered to kick off the 2011 NBA Draft accompanied by a lovely chorus of boo’s. He seems to relish these encounters with the fans every year. (If it’s not obvious yet you should know I was watching the draft as I wrote this post – hence some extra basketball coverage)

 

Like Lebron I needed to find my niche writing style.  I found it in the original origin of the name MadnessLetters.  The term Madnessletters comes from Friedrich Nietzsche who, as he began to succumb to mental illness, he penned a series of letters (dubbed the Madnessletters) to friends and colleagues about the Madness of our world.  So to will I write about the Madness of our world, in a more succinct fashion, as I assuredly spiral down my own dark path of mental illness made possible by the never ending and relentless news covering our absolute and total decay. OK, so maybe I’m not that dark or mentally ill but you get the general idea.  Typically I will focus on the most gross violations of our general social code (note I am fairly moderate in my social views, liberal regarding domestic policies and conservative when it comes to international affairs).  For example I would have written about the following events that have transpired over the past few years: Congressman Weiner (are you kidding me!) you can’t script a better set up for the late night comedy circuit.  After claiming his twitter account was hacked he came clean as the evidence began to mount which provided us with one of the larger falls from grace we’ve seen since Tiger Woods.

 

A now ex-member of the shinning city upon a hill.

 

Speaking of bad decisions how is it that we are now engaged in the 3rd war and nobody seems to care? If Bush did this he would not have gotten such a pass with the media (I’m not a Bush fan I just think this is extremely obvious and not debatable unless you’re a kool aid drinking fool ;) ). What is scary about this ill-conceived venture is that we are backing Libyan rebel forces who are, you guessed it, Al Qaeda: Who did we just support?  If that doesn’t scare you than this should.  By engaging in an unnecessary third front it only seems to add further financial difficulties to our already crippling debt and as an ancillary benefit the conflict in Libya is producing more conspiracy theories. Here’s my contribution to conspiracy theorists: Doesn’t this seem like it’s straight out of a Jason Borne movie cover up?

 

 

Why did the media follow Sarah Palin around on her bus tour?  It would be one thing if the media adored her like they used to adore Obama but the media has a clear history of hating Sarah Palin even going so far as to send out reporters to Alaska to read emails from when Sarah was Governor. What they found. Not exactly earth shattering stuff.  Who cares? Can we focus on real issues and report about real problems?  Every month it seems that the media’s biases on both the left and the right are exposed and more credibility is given to mock news shows like Jon Stewart.

 

 

Prediction about last night’s NBA draft: the 2011 Rookie of the Year will be Kemba Walker.  If I was a GM, with a top 5 pick, I would draft according to the  Moneyball rules and I would draft Walker for a few simple reasons: 1.) He’s a proven winner. 2.) He doesn’t have the prototypical NBA body 3.) His athletic gifts aside he has “the drive” just like Kobe and Jordan (I’m not even putting him in the same ballpark – yet) but I will say no one saw UCONN winning it all but the team that won it and without Kemba none of that happens.  Without Walker they would have been out in the sweet sixteen when they barely beat a San Diego State team that had played an off game and almost stole a victory from UCONN.

 

 

The problem with Walker is that he doesn’t fit into the standard NBA archetypical top 5 pick.  He’s not exactly a 1 and he’s seen as too small for the 2.  Too often NBA teams make a bad decision with a top pick because they seem to base their drafting on the physical look of a prospect, (for a small example see: Michael Olwakandi (#1 1998), Darius Miles (#3, 2000), Hasheem Thabeet (#2, 2009), Sam Bowie (#2, 1984)).  Just think about how terrifying Portland would be with Kevin Durant. A possible dynasty in the making.  Instead Portland took what they thought was the safe bet in a sure fire center that they could build a dynasty around.  How’s that working out for you Portland?

 

 

Another great move in last nights draft was the shrewd pick by San Antonio in acquiring SDSU Star Kawhi Leonard for George Hill.  Hill was extremely well thought of in San Antonio which should give you a clue as to the potential the Spurs see in Leonard who guided SDSU to its first Sweet Sixteen in school history.  This is the team that found a diamond in the rough and picked Tony Parker #28 in the 2001 draft.  This was the same draft that saw Kwame Brown go #1 and Eddy Curry at #4.

 

I think I’ll leave it at that for now. New content to be posted weekly until then I leave you with the worst thing I’ve seen this week and the best thing I’ve seen this week:

 

 

I know it needs a better name.  I’m open to suggestions.

 

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Madness’s Mock NBA Draft

In honor of Draft day Dumb has compiled a Madness Mock Draft.  As insufferable as he is it’s not bad.  Forgive any spelling mistakes I had to translate from crayon.

1) Clippers: Blake Griffin (Bet the house on it, unless they trade the pick)

blake-griffin

2) Memphis Grizzlies: Hasheem Thabeet (They need a shotblocker and there’s no one better at that in this draft.)

 

3) Oklahoma City: Ricky Rubio (Rubio, Westbrook, Green, Durant, Gasol. Reminds me of where the Blazers were 2 years ago, except Gasol isn’t a gimp like Oden and Durant is better than anyone Portland has.)

 

4) Kings: Jrue Holliday (Kings need a PG, Jrue reminds a lot of people of Westbrook. Playing for Howland, he’s ridiculous on D. But this is the Kings, and they’ll probably draft Jonny Flynn)

 

5) MinnesotaJordan Hill (My sources tell me Minnesota will package this and one of their later picks to move up and get Thabeet. If not, Hill fits the bill)
6) Minnesota T-Wolves: James Harden (Hopefully he’s more Eric Gordon than Randy Foye. No, two Randy Foyes are NOT better than 1)

 

7) Golden State: Brandon Jennings (Jennings, Monte, Cpt Jax/Magette, Randolf and Biedrins, is a REALLY athletic future. If they can somehow get B Dizzle back to the Bay this year, they could have a playoff team in the near term too)

 

8) New York Knicks: Stephen Curry (Since the Knicks are really just looking towards 2010 anyways, Curry presents the opportunity for big upside and little downside. He has star potential in D’antoni’s system. He made DAVIDSON relevent. I don’t think ESPN will show any Davidson games in primetime next year.)

 

9) Toronto Raptors: Tyreke Evans (Evans should get the nod over DeRozan and Terrence Williams because the Raptors need a scorer.)

 

10) Milwaukee Bucks: Jonny Flynn (Bucks need a PG and Flynn should be ok. It’s the Buck, they’re just OK too.)

*Nov 21 - 00:05*

 

11) New Jersey Nets: DeJuan Blair (This guy’s a beast. I hope it carries over to the NBA.)

 

12) Charlotte Bobcats: Gerald Henderson (UNC players aren’t working out for Bob’s Cats, lets try a Duke Dork!)

 

13) Indiana Pacers: DeMar DeRozan (I guess Reggie Miller’s not there anymore since he was all over lame commercials during the playoffs, so SG?)

 

14) Phoenix Suns: Earl Clark (Athleticism and the Suns go hand in hand.)

 

15) Detroit Pistons: BJ Mullens (Rasheed’s gettin old, BJ anyone?)

16) Chicago Bulls: James Johnson (Johnson’s a big tough PF, the anti Tyrus Thomas)

 

17) Philadelphia 76’ers: Eric Maynor (Maynor beat Duke in the NCAA tourney. You have to love him if just for that.)

 

18) Minnesota Timberwolves: Ty Lawson (Randy Foye is not a PG, Lawson would be a good fit here)

 

19) Atlanta Hawks: Nick Calathes (Calathes has skills like another Former Gator, Jason Williams. Yes, they’re both white, hence the comparison)

 

20) Utah Jazz: Tyler Hansborough (Hansborough is the PERFECT Jazz: just a tough, reboundin’, team-first SOB. When was the last time two non-European white boys got picked back to back in the top-20? I must’ve fucked up somewhere).  What other State outside of Utah would dance moves like this be considered mainstream?

tyler-hansbrough

 

21) New Orleans Hornets: Terrence Williams (Williams is athletic and a good SG for this team)

 

22) Dallas Mavericks: Jeff Teague (If Teague falls here (ATL will swoop him up if they’re smart) then the mavericks may well have found J Kidd’s replacement)

 

23) Sacramento Kings: Danny Green (He can hit 3′s and will help the Kings offensively. Plus Green is the color of the Iranian Opposition movement. They need a shout-out)

 

24) Portland Trailblazers: Sam Young (another guy who could score points for Portland and he can help on the defensive end too)

 

25) Oklahoma City: Chase Budinger (Budinger can play the 2 and 3, adding depth)

 

26) Chicago Bulls: Austin Daye (Another Tyrus Thomas. But we saw what that did in the playoffs when Tyrus played hard.)

 

27) Memphis Grizzlies: Jeff Pendergraph (Big Dude, doesn’t need the ball alot. When O.J. Mayo’s your PG, you better hope you can play without the ball)

 

28) Minnesota Timberwolves: Taj Gibson (3 draft picks is a good thing in the NFL. It’s not a good thing in the NBA, especially for a team as young as Minnesota. If they keep all three, Gibson could fit nicely next too Jefferson and Love)

 

29) Los Angeles Lakers: Darren Collison (Collison is quick and can play crazy D, being a Howland guy. Since the Lakers only real weakness is quick little PG’s like Aaron Brooks, Collison would be a nice fit)

 

30) Cleveland Cavaliers: DeJuan Summers (Summers will get open looks with the quadruple-teams LeBron gets and, unlike the guys Cleveland has right now, he can actually score)

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MANROID

It’s a great day for Giants, RedSox and Indians fans everywhere as we learn that Manny Ramirez has tested positive for steroids; karma’s a bitch.  I’m sure there’s a collective sigh of relief around the MLB as this news is sure to slow down the red hot LA Dodgers.  And yes this proves there is a god.

Manny Ramirez was suspended for 50 games by Major League Baseball on Thursday, becoming the latest high-profile player ensnared in the sport’s drug scandals.  The commissioner’s office didn’t announce the specific violation by the Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder, who will lose about one-third of his $25 million salary.

mlb_a_ramirez1_sw_sq_300

What’s Manny’s excuse?  Typical: “Recently I saw a physician for a personal health issue. He gave me a medication, not a steroid, which he thought was OK to give me,” Ramirez said in a statement issued by the players’ union.

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The Polish Hammer

Sick dunk highlight from last nights Orlando/Philly game.  This series has been dwarfed by the epic, 7 game, Bulls Celtics series however you can’t miss a massive dunk by the Polish Hammer filling in for the suspended Dwight Howard.

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Fridgerator Hospitalized

You don’t start your own blog about the madness of our world and pass up the opportunity to post an article titled “Fridgerator Hospitalized”.  If you haven’t figured out by now I’m not talking about the large silver or white box, in the kitchen, that keeps your food cold I’m talking about Thee Man, William “fridgerator” Perry.

Perry is in serious condition in a South Carolina hospital after his Guillain-Barré syndrome flared up, according to the Chicago Sun-Times…Perry was diagnosed last June with the chronic disease and was hospitalized for five months at that time.

Here’s a couple reels of this mammoth of a man running through the end zone.

Perry played in the NFL for 10 seasons, joining the Philadelphia Eagles after the Bears released him midway through his ninth season. He was the 22nd overall pick in the 1985 NFL draft, by the Bears, and won a Super Bowl his rookie season with Chicago. He played in 138 games, starting 118 of them, and totaled 29.5 sacks and 506 tackles. He also rushed for two touchdowns in his rookie season, including one in the Super Bowl. Get better soon Fridge!

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John Madden Retires

I know there’s plenty going on right now so why am I spending time focusing on John “I chew my cheeks when I talk” Madden rather than commenting on the TeaParty rallies sweeping the country, or the fact that Tim Lincecum is looking like a bad #1 pick in my fantasy league or the governments recently promised crackdown on conservatives and veterans.  So why the focus Madden’s retirement?  First of all Madden’s a god.  He’s as much part of Thanksgiving as the gravy.  With John gone there is now a rather large and noticeable void in my life come football season.

Who – may I ask you – who will now write, intelligibly, on the TV as I try to watch the replay? What sportscaster will now take up the heralded mantle of bro love and shout their unequivocal man love for the Brett Favre’s of the sports world? Who will I turn to for objective analysis on my Thanksgiving Day spread? I wonder what kind of an impact Madden’s retirement will have on RV Sales?

madden

Madden retires from the NFL scene taking with him a record which is sure never to be broken in my life time.  Madden retires with the highest winning percentage of any Raiders head coach, ever.

NEW YORK – NBC Sports Chairman Dick Ebersol announced today that John Madden, Hall of Fame coach and the most honored broadcaster in sports television history, has decided to retire from broadcasting. Madden issued the following statement today: “It’s time. I’m 73 years old.”

Maybe John will finally come over, hang out, watch football and eat cheesy poofs with me. Everyone needs a dream.

cartman-cheesypoofs

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Baseball Saving Marriages

This is an odd study that I hope to god was not funded by the tax payers.  I would like to start off this post by pointing out who ever wrote this article has zero understanding of sports.  How did I arrive at this conclusion? Take a look at the title of the article: “Cities with MLB baseball teams have a lower divorce rate!”  So what this is really saying is, Cities with Major League Baseball Baseball teams have a lower divorce rate!  I guess they didn’t understand that MLB stands for Major League Baseball.  To note this is not a common mistake made by people who frequent baseball games (which according to this article do so to save their marriage).  Who edits this crap?

The University of Denver Center for Marital and Family Studies has conducted a new study looking at divorce rates before and after cities got Major League Baseball teams. The study showed that cities with major league baseball teams had a 28 percent lower divorce rate than cities that wanted major league baseball teams.

My “evidence” shows that baseball has NOTHING to do with people staying together or not.  If anything I have evidence to the contrary.

ben-jolo-boston1

In 1990, a year before Denver was awarded a major league baseball franchise, the city’s divorce rate stood at six divorces per 1,000 people. Ten years later, and seven years after the Colorado Rockies played their first game, the divorce rate had declined 20 percent to 4.2 divorces per 1,000 people. In contrast, the overall U.S. divorce rate dropped 15 percent. University of Denver (DU) director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies, psychology professor Howard Markman also studied divorce rates in other cities that welcomed a major league team and found a 30 percent decline in divorces in Phoenix, a 30 percent drop in Miami and a 17 percent drop in Tampa Bay area. While there could be many explanations for this significant difference, Markman stresses the importance of fun and friendship in a healthy marriage. Going to baseball games is one way couples can have fun together and talk as friends.  

Seriously? Have you ever seen the attendance at a Tampa Bay Devil Rays game? It’s one of, if not thee, worst in the MLB.  To think that the few thousand couples, (which is a stretch), that show up at a handful of games a year are an accurate sampling of the relative happiness and divorce rate of millions living in the surrounding Tampa Bay area is pretty heavy on the crazy sauce.  This is statistical malpractice.

True it is nice to go with your significant to a baseball game it’s by no means saving marriages like these ass clowns are postulating. “Going to a baseball game and not talking about relationship issues, but rather having fun and talking as friends is one of the ways to protect and preserve love,” Markman says.  I think this study is missing the basic fact that just spending time is ONE of the ways to “protect and preserve love” (although I don’t see how it’s possible to protect love with Baseball but that’s just me).  Also I typically associate going to baseball games with drinking beer and eating hot dogs, not a terribly romantic endeavor unless you’re this guy.

fat-cubs-fan

One last point to make here:  Professional sports aren’t saving marriages, their not bringing couples together, they are forms of entertainment and when people try to make these sporting events romantic interludes, that involve thousands of strangers, the consequences can be disasterous and hilarious.

 

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