Dumb

After being humiliated in the Finals last year by Boston (you know expectations are high when losing 4-2 without your starting center is considered humiliation), the Los Angeles Lakers have but one objective this year: Win It All. Anything less would be a failure. So, after bringing the gold medal home for all Americans in Beijing this past summer, Kobe has the sole focus of bringing the gold Larry O’Brien trophy back where IT belongs: The City of Angeles. And make no mistake about it, with KG sidelined with a bum knee, the Lakers are the best team in the NBA, and the best team always wins. The only team that can really give the Lake Show a run for their money is The LeBrons, aka the Cleveland Cavaliers. I agree that LeBron is the best player in the game. But history shows that the best TEAM wins the Finals, not the best player. That’s why the Spurs have won 4 titles in the last 10 years, it’s why Detroit won in 2004 and it’s why the Celtics won last year. Assuming the Cleveland vs. Lakers scenario plays out, the Lakers will undoubtedly have the best team between the two. Last year, they were without Bynum and Trevor Ariza, and were playing with Gasol for only 1/2 season, and came within 2 games of winning it all. This year, with the core of the team healthy, both Ariza and Lamar Odom (not to mention Kobe) available to D up King James, and a supporting cast that is deeper and better from 2-12 than Cleveland, the Forum Blue & Gold will be poised to hoist the trophy once again. LeBron will have to wait at least another year to claim his crown and Kobe, ala Steve Young, can finally take that monkey off his back, earning his first title without Shaq.

Dumber

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Dumb - Pro

I’m not going to spend too much time examining the pro’s and cons of the Economic Stimulus plan that President Obama has proposed. The Republicans and Naysayers out there are gaping, oozey, stinky vagina’s, I can say that much. They voted for President Bush twice, and now don’t admit it, saying they “hate Bush”. Every time we hit a rough spot economically between 2001-2008, they blamed Clinton’s policies. They allowed Bush and Co. to invade Iraq under false pretenses and spend, what has now amounted to, well over $1 Trillion on that war, basically destroying a country and doling out no-bid contracts to their buddies to go in and fix it at the expense of the taxpayer. Within the 1st 2 months of President Obama’s tenure, they’ve already assigned blame for our economic woes unto him. And now, they assail his plan, labeling it a “Tax and Spend” policy. Obviously, these are ignorant, dickless hypocrites who just want to win, not see America succeed. They’ve been riding the “I’m White” train their entire lives and slowly but surely, they’re watching that ride come to a halt, and their advantages are being thrown to the wolves, along with their health. All they can do is join the Oxycontin Laced Limbaugh Wagon and knock our President down, when all he wants to do is pull us out of the mire. So, am I qualified to analyze this bill and the policies set forth thus far. No. Can anyone accurately judge its effectiveness at this point? Absolutely not. But I liken it to this: When cancer spreads throughout your body, and you’re dying, sometimes Chemotherapy is the only hope. Filling your body with poison doesn’t seem intuitive or the best method at first glance. But the results are all that matter and times now are so drastic, the measures must be equally drastic. One thing I can tell you: I’d rather spend $1 Trillion on rebuilding our economy from within than on a war in the desert half the world away.

Dumber - Con

HA! I’m willing to watch the world burn. I’m content with double-digit unemployment. I’m even OK with sacrificing my own future and that of our nation. I’ll take it all - just so I can say I TOLD YOU SO. You fucking idiots wanted “Change”, you wanted to “Hope” and Ooooooh look! An inexperienced, left wing, ostensible fence rider who will unite the masses under the guise of unprecedented reformation - and he’s even black!! Let’s vote for him! Let’s vote for Change! Yes We Can! Last week the Yes We Can budget was announced, and I’m here to tell you No We Can’t. No, ladies and gentlemen, we can’t save healthcare. No people, we can’t save the auto industry. Nope, it isn’t a good idea to put rims and hydraulics on Air Force One. The space I have on this column is limited (otherwise I’d write a book) so I’ll skip the details, but here are a few of the major flaws: Firstly, Leroy is increasing the deficit to almost $3.6 trillion which, aside from the fact that it’s a huge number, is mostly being paid for by increasing taxes on people making over $250k per year. You left wing pussies go to fair trade coffee shops, read the New York Times and have caffeine-induced hallucinations of a happy world where equality is priority and little kids aren’t starving in Africa. You think - “rich people can afford to pay more taxes”. Maybe under normal circumstances, but guess what? These aren’t NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES and these so-called “rich people” are the ones that provide the supermajority of tax revenue, investment capital, and JOBS in this country. Moreover, $250k per year is enough for the single guy living in Sioux City, but it ain’t SHIT for the family in Brooklyn that’s barely scraping by. Secondly, Lamar is increasing the capital gains tax from 15-20%. Really? Are you seeing a lot of CAPITAL GAINS right now, you fucking retard? Why not create buying pressure and boost asset prices by abolishing the capital gains tax permanently? Finally, this is all geared towards helping lower-middle class and poor families - you know, the same people who bought $1 million houses making $50k per year because they are too stupid to do simple “maf”. Look, I think a stimpuls package is necessary on some level, I think we got in way over our heads, got drunk off debt, and the deleveraging is hurting us - BAD. Banks may need to be nationalized (unfortunately). More people will lose their jobs. The Dow may fall another 1000 points. Credit will remain extremely tight. People will remain unconfident. But don’t exacerbate the problem by driving through the ghetto throwing tax payers’ money out the sunroof of Lil’ Wayne’s Lamborghini. Instead, think about what’s really causing the problem here - lack of confidence and a constriction of capital flows compounded by plummeting real estate prices. Let’s push through a concentrated stimulus package that’s effective and cheap, not one that’s a thinly-veiled income redistribution scheme.

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Dumb:

Although he did it against the Knicks, Kobe’s 61 points is nothing to sneeze at. 1st of all, it was the most points scored at Madison Square Garden EVER. More than Jordan’s double-nickel in ‘95 and more than LeBron’s 2 nights after.

2nd, Kobe scored the 61 pts on 31 shot attempts. He shot better than 61% from the field (19-31) and a perfect 20-of-20 from the free throw line. All this with a recently dislocated finger and the torn tendon in his pinkie he still needs surgery on. But the main reason Kobe’s night was better than LeBron’s is the statement it sent. Two days prior, in Memphis, the Lakers championship aspirations took a major blow to the knee, with Kobe himself playing the role of Gillooly. When Kobe fell backwards and sent Andrew Bynum to the floor grabbing his knee, all of LA fell silent and Kobe shook his head in disgust. The day of the Knicks game, the Lakers found out that Bynum would be out 8-12 weeks. Kobe put the team on his shoulders and put up a ridiculous 61 points in only 37 minutes. Now, when people in New York talk about the number 61, they don’t instantly think of Roger Maris.

Kobe’s 61 sent a statement: He is the Black Mamba, the deadliest, most feared creature on the court.

Dumber:

Basketball isn’t my forte, but I’m going with Lebron - even though they both played the Knicks (my hometown squad and an utter embarrassment to MSG - I literally can’t even dribble but I could probably put up 10 or 15 against them). Anyway, a 52 pt. triple-double is the most points for a trip-dub since 1976. Also, while scoring 61 points is incredible, Kobe probably has a better supporting cast, putting more weight on LeBron’s shoulders. Let’s be realistic here: It’s all about the Jordan comparison, right?. Twenty years from now, I think we’ll say LeBron was better than Kobe - he’s younger, stronger, and in my opinion has a better attitude and more upside potential. Kobe, to his credit, has that uncanny competitive streak that I don’t see in Lebron, and he knows how to win championships. All said, I don’t think either will ever do more for the sport of basketball than Jordan did, nor do I think either will ever be a part of anything as special as the 90’s Bulls.

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