I know there’s plenty going on right now so why am I spending time focusing on John “I chew my cheeks when I talk” Madden rather than commenting on the TeaParty rallies sweeping the country, or the fact that Tim Lincecum is looking like a bad #1 pick in my fantasy league or the governments recently promised crackdown on conservatives and veterans.  So why the focus Madden’s retirement?  First of all Madden’s a god.  He’s as much part of Thanksgiving as the gravy.  With John gone there is now a rather large and noticeable void in my life come football season.

Who - may I ask you - who will now write, intelligibly, on the TV as I try to watch the replay? What sportscaster will now take up the heralded mantle of bro love and shout their unequivocal man love for the Brett Favre’s of the sports world? Who will I turn to for objective analysis on my Thanksgiving Day spread? I wonder what kind of an impact Madden’s retirement will have on RV Sales?

Madden retires from the NFL scene taking with him a record which is sure never to be broken in my life time.  Madden retires with the highest winning percentage of any Raiders head coach, ever.

NEW YORK - NBC Sports Chairman Dick Ebersol announced today that John Madden, Hall of Fame coach and the most honored broadcaster in sports television history, has decided to retire from broadcasting. Madden issued the following statement today: “It’s time. I’m 73 years old.”

Maybe John will finally come over, hang out, watch football and eat cheesy poofs with me. Everyone needs a dream.

Is the NFL’s Franchise Tag modern day indentured servitude?  Wikipedia defines the NFL’s Franchise tag as follows: “In the National Football League, the franchise tag is a designation a team may apply to a player scheduled to become an unrestricted free agent. The tag binds the player to the team for one year if certain conditions are met. Each team has access each year to only one franchise tag (of either the exclusive or non-exclusive forms) or one transition tag. As a result, each team may only designate one player each year as that team’s franchise player. Usually reserved for players of great skill or of high importance to the team, a franchise tag allows a team’s manager the privilege of strategically retaining valuable free-agent players while seeking talent through the NFL draft or other acquisitions without exceeding the League’s salary cap.”

Sports by Brooks broke an article today about the fact that NFL teams are using these Franchise tags as a way to control their salary cap and now it’s theorized that NFL players are going to great lengths to avoid these tags.

Enter Leroy Hill of the Seattle Seachickens.  “The Seahawks’ Leroy Hill, who was cited for misdemeanor pot possession last month when he was pulled over in suburban Atlanta for having a busted brakelight in his 1975 Buick Electra. That’s right, Leroy was rolling in a busted-up Electra. Some folks are calling shenanigans…The idea here is that the Seahawks, who have professed a commitment only to “character” guys, won’t want to keep a guy getting pulled over with drugs, and they certainly won’t want to franchise him. Hill, then, would get to become a free agent and negotiate a long-term deal with any team he wants. So he basically drives around with the busted light and a little pot in a bookbag (I guess he’s taking a physics class in the offseason?) and waits to get pulled over.”

So the question is, is Leroy Hill an idiot or a genious and is the NFL’s Franchise Tag fair? I would assume that the NFL’s powerful labor union would be all over this if the franchise tag was illegal or unfair in terms of labor laws.  It’s hard to say this is a form of servitude after all they’re still making a ton of money and the fame that accompanies playing in the NFL however they are not getting true market value for their services.

John Madden who has been chewing meat and explaining sports since I was a kid is taking this weekend off to spend time with his family.  Normally I would be ok with this but I’ve grown so accustomed to phrases like, “ah, See, look right here, see, and what happens, is, see, you got the QB, see, and he goes here, and then he goes there, and BOOM and that’s football.”

Who else is going to say bootleg all Sunday?

Madden who refuses to fly as planes are the work of the devil takes a bus to every game. His streak of consecutively called games ends at 476.  Weak. Over the past few weeks, “Madden went from Jacksonville, Fla., to San Diego last week; he would have had to return to Florida for this Sunday’s game at Tampa Bay. There’s no Sunday Night Football game the following weekend, so Madden would have then headed home to the Bay Area.”

You know what really grinds my gears? NFL players DUI’s and the proportionality high amount of arrests to players. For some reason NFL players and trouble with the law go together like peas and carrots.  In 2006 alone almost 50 NFL players were arrested!  The main cause is typically DUI’s.  It’s so bad that there are whole websites dedicated to reporting crime in the NFL.

During Commissioner Roger Goodell’s almost 2-year reign, attention to off-field discipline and behavior has been front-and-center, players from the National Football League are driving under influence and committing various other crimes at alarming rates. It’s MADNESS!

There have been other “alcohol related” incidents recently, but even when focusing on just the specific transgressions of operating a motor vehicle to the degree that mental and motor skills are impaired, the volume of incidents is just staggering. It makes you wonder, “Isn’t there a solution?”  The problem is simple enough: NFL player drinks alcohol, then gets behind the wheel of a car. This shouldn’t be difficult to solve. We found a cure for polio, this should be easier, right?

So, what would a possible solution entail? Well let’s examine the make up of the league first.  There are typically under 2000 active NFL players during a season, not an extremely large group to cover. The players are all extremely well paid.  So hiring a driver or god forbid a taxi for an evening shouldn’t be a matter of funds.  Secondly the teams themselves have a stake in the players and therefore should shoulder some of the burden.  Not only are the players at risk but their careers in which these teams are financing are also at risk.  It seems that they would have a compelling reason here to protect their investment.  Question is why aren’t they not acting on them?

This should not be the face of the NFL.

Why does this group of Americans assume they can drive while intoxicated?  Goodell is obviously talking tough while carrying a tiny stick so Madness must do the dirty work.  I present a solution: 24-7 limo service.

Why can’t an NFL player, any active NFL player, have round-the-clock limosine service? No matter where they are, within the United states, they have unlimited limo service subsidized by the League. If I’m a player, if I’m Pacman or Jared Allen or Jevon Kearse or Seabass or Cedric Benson (who was recently ordered to have a breathalizer attached to his ignition) or….well you get the picture. Why can’t I call this number and say “I need a ride”? WHY? What semi-intelligent adult would STILL drive?  Please ignore the South when answering that question.  

If I had a safe ride home (CHEAP if not free) in one hand and in the other, I had the possibility of inflicting bodily harm to myself or strangers,  opening myself up to lawsuit, plus the loss of income (maybe permanent, ala Cedric), humiliation, fines, whatever, how would I, how COULD I, not choose the former? And, if a player does, it’s a 1-year suspension. Done. How could another player get busted again? And THAT’S what really grinds my gears.